I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
