4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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