I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no, he came in my armpit
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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