For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
