I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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