I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
one might say we're banned from that church
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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