I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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