"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
