I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
