you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
