Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize