Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
