i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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