never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
