bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
