I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
