Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
