I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
