Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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