Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
