We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
