But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
