I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize