He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I party with great urgency now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
