I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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