that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
