No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
