You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
