i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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