I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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