Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
