I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
