Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
