you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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