Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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