i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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