Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
