I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
