I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
