Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
