he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
