I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
