life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
