Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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