Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
