Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize