Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
