I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
