the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is my gift to your gina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
