Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize