Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.

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(845): View more from New York

Did you bedazzle the elevator?

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(513): View more from Ohio

With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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(703): View more from Virginia

I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment

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(415): View more from California

Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy

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