My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
