so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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