we have officially lost it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
