I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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