pedialite and red bull = repair kit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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