Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
