Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize