if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
