How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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