i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
