well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
