Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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