I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
