I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
