get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
