Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
